You are never prepared to lose someone you love. That is 100% truth. You see my dad just passed away 11 days ago. He was sick and had not been out of the bed for many months and his health had been slowly declining. Even though my prayer for him everyday over the last year or so had been, “God please give my dad rest in his body and let him be at peace” And even though when I would see him I could tell he just wasn’t the daddy I knew, the pain had truly just taken so much from him. Even though all of that was true, when my phone rang just 1.5 hours after the last time I was able to tell him I loved him and for him to rest, it was as if everything in my world just stopped. He was gone. I knew in the instant he took his last breath here on this earth was the first breath he took in heaven. I knew he was instantly made whole again, no more pain. For that I can be happy, I hated seeing him in pain.
What now? I have been basically numb since it happened. I can function. I can do all the things I normally do in my daily life, but something is missing now. Everyone around us has experienced the loss of someone they love, but there is just this emptiness that I have never felt before. It is very unfamiliar and just plain yuck. So many memories flood my mind. I can hear his voice telling me to get on with life. My dad was a worker through and through. It is what he thrived on. He loved work. He was not a work-a-holic but just loved to work. He loved serving others. He was a great man in so many wonderful ways. He was not a perfect man, which is one of the things I have to say that I loved most about him. He was always fully aware of his imperfections.
One year for Father’s day, he wrote myself and my siblings all a letter. It was a sweet, genuine, heartfelt letter telling us how he had made mistakes, how much he loved us and how much he wanted nothing but the best for us. And above all he wanted us to know Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
I miss him terribly and it hurts. I know it will take time for me to process the loss of my dad. Though he is not with us physically, he will always be with us in our hearts and that will never change. So Dad, “I say thank you, for being the best dad I could have ever wanted. You made sure I was introduced to Jesus who will walk beside me and carry me as He did you till the very end.” We will be together again one day. Until then, I will carry on and do my best to honor all that you taught me. Your loving daughter…..